This is a true story from my days of being a marital therapist. My parents, now deceased, grew up in rural Oklahoma during the Great Depression. All my life, they slept in single beds. In fact, as my Mom grew older and had trouble sleeping, she and my Dad had seperate bedrooms. I never saw them display any type of physical affection at all. And yet I know they had sex; neither my two sisters nor I were the product of an immaculate conception! I also knew that, from the time that they were childhood sweethearts until death parted them, they were completely devoted to each other. As a teenager, I learned about sex from my peers - this was not a subject that was suitable for discussion when we were growing up.

A couple of years before my parents deaths (I was married, and in my late forties), the whole family reunited at their house for Christmas. Somehow - I've no memory of what set off this discussion - we got to talking about oral and anal sex. My Dad was unusually quiet in this discussion which was not normal for him. Anyway, as we discussed oral sex, my Mom emphatically declared that oral sex was abnormal and perverted. She said, "I certainly don't know anyone who does this disgusting thing." Dead silence in the room. My oldest sister - always the wise guy - finally said "Oh, I think you just may." At this, all of us just lost it, laughing until we collapsed! My Mom came from a different era where the missionary position was all that was "decent," and sex was for procreation, not recreation! I remember thinking "My poor Dad!" who said nothing during this extremely funny interlude.

But let's face it: oral and anal sex are not "normal" in the sense that only the penis and the vagina were made for sex. Yet, many couples find oral and anal sex extremely exciting. This is not limited to same-sex experiences; heterosexual couples find oral and anal sex to be gratifying in their sexual encounters. So....what can you do to enjoy this type of sexual experience safely but also satisfying?

As a straight, married woman, I'm just like many of you; over the 16 years of my marriage, I've discovered what pleases me as well as my husband. I believe this is a task that is undertaken by all long-term, monogamous couples, gay or straight. What is a turn-on for some couples may be a turn-on for others. Everyone has the right to be equal, and the equal right to be different! Let's examine some issues about oral and anal sex:

• If you don't like it, don't do it! It's not unusual for a man or a woman to dislike either (or both) oral and anal sex. This doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you! We're fed a constant barage by the visual and printed media that with sex, anything goes. But keep in mind that there is no "right" way to enjoy sex; there is only your way. If my parents wanted to sleep in seperate beds and enjoy the missionary position for procreation, that was entirely their business, and no one else's! What you and your partner do, as consenting adults, is up to you.
• Use caution with a new sexual partner, and remember the saying that you're not only having sex with him/her, but with past sexual partners as well. You have a right to know if your new partner has ever had an STD, including being HIV-positive. Ask questions before you jump between the sheets! Genital herpes is currently the fastest-growing STD in the US, UK and Canada. There is no cure for this condition; the only treatment is to manage the symptoms of an outbreak. Gential herpes can be transmitted through oral sex.
• Your anus was not made for the insertion of a penis or other foreign bodies. Sorry, but this is an anatomical fact. Yet gay men and some heterosexual couples find anal sex very exciting. So if you're going to do it, do it safely. The anus contains an area known as the "vault;" this is where fecal matter stays until your rectal system expells it through a bowel movement. Giving yourself an enema prior to anal sex is helpful in cleansing the vault area. honeymoonsextoys.com has a wide variety of enemas and douches for couples who enjoy anal sex that are safe and effective. Also, wear a condom. You can enjoy anal sex and be safe and sensible at the same time.
• Use a lubricant! Both oral and anal sex are enhanced by a lubricant that tastes pleasant (for oral sex) and eases the penis into the anus without tearing rectal tissue. Unlike the vagina, the anus secretes no natural lubricant. Select your favorite line of lubricants and use them faithfully to prevent chaffing, irritation, and tearing of sensitive tissues.
• If you use anal beads,balls or dildos, make sure they're clean! Either use a sex toy cleaner or soak these sex aids in hot, mildly soapy water for at least 30 minutes to rid them of contagious bacteria. Better still, run them through your dishwasher!

When it comes to oral and anal sex, common sense must be your guideline. "Better safe than sorry" definitely applies to any sexual practice.

Enjoy!

Vienna

In the 1960's, America's heroes were the seven original Mercury astronauts. In their honor, a Texas celebration included a performance by the glorious Sally Rand, one of the most famous strip-tease dancers in the country! The secret to Sally's allure was that she wasn't nude on stage, but she gave the appearance of being nude. Soft, well-placed lighting, two beautiful body-length fans, and a well-fitted body suit left men mesmerized with Sally's graceful dance movements that showed just a glimpse of her curves to perfection.

This was the old Vaudeville art of the strip-tease dance. The "queen" of this art was the fabulous Gypsy Rose Lee. She would appear on stage elegantly dressed and perfectly made-up, bejeweled and coiffed. One by one, Gypsy's clothing became more and more scant and revealing. But like Sally Rand, she never actually appeared nude on stage. In the strip-tease, the tease is the art of the allure!

Today, men are just as mesmerized by a woman dressed in sexy, partially revealing lingerie. Even with a steady sex partner who knows very well what's underneath that teddy, bustier, or chemise, men are fascinated by the "chase," the challenge of uncovering a scanty but elegantly-dressed woman in lingerie like that found on honeymoonsextoys.com. Ladies, this is your opportunity to give your man what he wants, what he needs, and what will make your sexual encounters even more pleasurable for both of you!

When you dress yourself in an enticing corset and garter belt with sexy, silky stockings, your partner won't be able to take his eyes off of you! Like Sally Rand and Gypsy Rose Lee, go ahead and tease your man! Leather, lace, the "wet look," fishnet - go for the look you know will enhance your allure and increase the novelty of even very long-term monogamous relationships.

When I was doing therapy with married or long-term partners, I'll never forget the man who told me that every night, his partner came to bed in a nondescript T-Shirt and plain underwear. The problem with their sex life was that it had lost its sensuality! I suggested that the woman try dressing up in sexy lingerie for her man. "But he already knows what's under my clothes," she said. I responded that this isn't the point. Every time a woman makes the effort to put on that lacy thong and revealing bra, she's proclaiming a definite sexual desire for her man -- and men like nothing better than a woman who makes herself alluring just for him!

Turn about is fair play! Men, if you want your woman to appreciate your desire for her sexually, try a thong, G-string or brief that shows off what you have, daring her to explore your body even further! Sure, you know what's under those tear-away briefs, but isn't it fun and arousing to rip it off and take it from there?

To keep your partner interested in you sexually and avoid the relationship doldrums, you can both use sexy lingerie and underclothing to your best advantage. Whether you've been together for a month or twenty years, never take your sex life for granted!

Best,

Vienna

When blow-up dolls are mentioned, men tend to snicker, "Can't you get a real woman?" Women tend to curl up their noses and say "Gross!" Why, then, are inflatable sex dolls still so popular? If you're a watcher of Boston Legal, no doubt you'll recall that Jerry "Hands" Espenson has a blow-up doll named Patty. Jerry is more than a little socially insecure; but with Patty, he can share his deepest thoughts and feelings without the fear of being judged or critisized.

And then there's Denny Crane's blow-up doll, a dead ringer for his old love, Shirley Schmidt. Denny's also a bit on the odd side, much like Jerry. Denny's doll is named Shirley Schimdt-Ho', creating an hilarious TV moment when the real Shirley discovered the doll. What Denny actually did with the doll is left to the viewer's imagination, based upon what we know about Denny Crane's eccentricities.

Television aside, there's still a high demand for inflatable sex dolls for men. As a therapist, I quickly learned that while TV shows may be funny, there's nothing funny at all about sexual insecurity and the pressure to "perform." The media flaunts the masculine charms of sex symbols like George Clooney, Denzel Washington and Johnny Depp even though we have no idea what these men's lives are really like. Most men have a lot more in common with Jerry Espenson than with Johnny Depp!

The "down and dirty" is that sexual insecurity is a very common problem for both women and men. Using a sex toy like a dildo or an inflatable doll is safe. No pressure to be a superstud or a hot babe. With dolls like those available on honeymoonsextoys.com, any man can have a sexy night with Pam Anderson, Sarah Jessica Parker, or Eva Longoria without worrying about his sexual performance. Choose a doll of any race, profession, or physical characteristics; these dolls are "anatomically correct" to your preferences. While it isn't a mentally healthy thing to be obsessed with a blow-up doll, sometimes men just want to have sex - no talk, no pressure, no judgement. Just uninhibited sex. Even men with a regular sex life sometimes need to enjoy a sexual experience that has no strings attached.

The bottom line (excuse the pun) is, "is using sex dolls weird?" Yeah, a little. Should you care? Not really, unless you completely lose yourself in a fantasy world to the exclusion of reality. Everyone has the right to be equal, and the equal right to be different.

Best,

Vienna

Are you in a stable long-term monogamous relationship? If so, it's possible that your sex life has become a little (or a lot!) bland and predictable. As a retired marital therapist for 17 years, I found that after counseling hundreds of couples, that the top four serious problems for monogamous couples are (1) Financial issues, (2) Problems with in-laws, and (3) Intimate sexual problems, and (4) cheating with other sexual partners. If these issues remain unresolved, the relationship has a 60% chance of failing.

Regarding sexual issues, I discovered that the major complaint among couples were that sex had become too boring. As a result, couples have less sex, and the sex they do have is unsatisfying. This, of course, can lead to infidelity. Most cheating isn't really about emotional feelings towards another person, but occurs because of sexual boredom.

Ask yourself: what can you do to keep sex interesting, fun, and satisfying for both of you? Whenever I mentioned the possibility of using sex toys, most couples cringed in embarassment: "nice" people just don't do that! Wrong answer: a great many monogamous couples use a variety of sex toys to enhance their intimacy and sexual satisfaction. If you're experiencing this sex toy phobia, perhaps it's time to broaden your horizons and try something new! Honeymoon Sex Toys has a large selections of sex toys that can help rescue your relationship from a bad case of the "blah's!" Unloose your inhibitions and examine the sex toys that suit you and your partner. You have nothing to lose, and you don't have to be among the 60% whose relationship has failed.

Best,

Vienna

Honeymoonsextoys.com

Sure, we all love ourselves a little peek into other people's sex lives -especially famous sex lives. And we have a plethora of celebrity sex to rent at our favorite online porn store. Sometimes we even get to watch the best clips on network tv. Well, okay, not the best clips, but surprisingly, we do see clips.


Pammie and Tommy Lee showed that rock stars do actually have sex exactly as we suspected -with gorgeous blondes and huge schlongs. Thanks to Paris Hilton, we found out that ego-centric rich kids will do it for the camera even when it's a home video camera and "it" is actually a blow job. Even the pathetic hanger-on kids of celebrities do a decent home video. Kim Kardashian is better than gonzo porn for many of us.

But now. Now it’s sex tapes of people long dead. Marilyn Monroe and Jimi Hendrix showed up in adult video news over April and one may actually be real. The Marilyn Monroe sex tape is one of many hoaxes we all wish were true. Sadly, a Monroe look alike did a few of these sex tapes and it is likely the latest rumored Monroe monkey dance is hers as well. But Vivid pictures unearthed a Jimi Hendrix sex tape that groupies claim is him (“I should know,” they say.) and ex-girlfriends admit may be a very good imposter. Either way, it is real enough in looks to help any imagination send you to the 60’s with a man who could call Tommy Lee “tiny” in celebrity and size.

Is it really all that fascinating to see some dead celebrity get it on? Once I saw the trailer for the Hendrix tape on youtube, I wasn’t so sure I could pass this up. My order is in the works.

In OTHER porn news, Isabella Rosselini –the stunning daughter of Ingrid Bergman and perverse songstress from Blue Velvet- made a handful of exceptionally short sex tapes that came out this month. Surprised? Want to know where you can see it for free? The Sundance Channel. Shocked?

So was I. Until I watched them. "Green Porno" is bug sex. Bug. Sex. How can I say more? It is informative and entertaining…in a way only an ex-girlfriend of David Lynch can make it. Rosselini re-enacts bug sex like a bizarre Nina Hartley for entomology fetishists. It is called Green Porno and do NOT watch it to get turned on. Watch it to be baffled by the European mind. And laugh…in an awkward way.

So the Hendrix tape and the Rosselini shorts got me thinking. Pornography is changing so rapidly. It is quickly going down the road sex toys have been going down. Pornography is no longer a hidden, dark hobby of lonely men. It has in recent years become popular with women and couples. And now it is on the fast path to the mainstream world. While porn actresses find their way to mainstream media (Jenna Jameson in this month’s theatrical release of Stripper Zombies and Mary Carey’s reality tv), they are watching their industry crossover with them. Porn has production value and mainstream film and tv are getting more racy making the two industries practically overlap. A tv episode can be just as much of a turn-on as porn. A recent episode of David Duchovny’s Californication was scolded for being “as close to porn without showing genitalia.” While I find genitalia-less porn way too far from porn to make a comparison, it does say something about where we’re headed.

Hopefully, this is all a step forward for those of us who are sick of having their perversions (toys, sex props, and porn) called “perversions” instead of what our preferences truly are –absolutely mainstream.

**Blog sponsored by honeymoonsextoys.com ** 

I would like to post an argument against a particular study that was presented to Journal of Sexual Medicine for next month's issue. I guess over at Penn State two researchers named Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani did a survey with members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. First, don't go to Penn State if you're looking forward to some marathon sexual escapades. They obviously are looking to disappoint. Second, Eric and Jenay....why you lookin' to cockblock the world? Huh? 

Okay, first. An argument should be stated by an expert in the field. I believe I am that person. I am a woman. I have sex. I have had sex for many years. I have had 10 minute quickie sex as well as 6 hour marathon sex, so I have a broad range of durations to cull experiential data from. While no one has paid me for sex, I will say that I have gotten some good meals (and occasional movie), so that could be a sort of barter leading one to see me as a "professional" as well as an expert. I also partake in a substantial amount of girl talk. When I partake in girl talk, I listen to a number of case studies on duration, size, ability, technique, and quality. Girl talk is much more detailed than locker room talk and should be considered valid clinical trials and surveys.

Here is there side: They asked members of the SSTR which includes psychologists, physicians and marriage therapists the ideal duration of penetration sex. Through that they concluded that penetration sex ideally should last 7-13 minutes. Foreplay and post-coital cuddling does not count. 2 minutes is too short. 3-7 minutes is adequate. 10-30 minutes is too long.

Here is my argument:

WTF?

**Join the fight against short-term sex! Go to Honey Moon Sex Toys**

I’m starting to feel for men. We introduce sex toys into the bedroom and what happens? The girl gets a rotating, gyrating, pulsing, vibrating gadget pet that stimulates her clitoris, g-spot, and does dishes in the kitchen. A bottle of lube means she doesn’t even have to get wet to get started. All the work is done for her. The poor guy is putting on some contraption he has to tie around his pecker to make him harder longer. How did this world of sex get so one-sided? Isn’t this a man’s world? I’m not complaining because I’m a girl. I’m just sayin’. I asked a guy friend why women get so much help with their orgasm and men don’t and his only reply was, "We do it all for the ladies." And sure, I get it. Men are happy to just be invited. But is that fair?

So I’m scouring the sex shoppe and looking for male-friendly (in the most literal definition) sex toys and how to bring those into the bedroom. Anything like a cockring can be great for him, but it’s mainly great for her. I mean what sex toys are really JUST FOR HIM? What can a man have that’s all his own in the sex toy marathon? Well, I got answers!

* Strokers: Strokers are malleable, hand-held toys that wrap around the penis. Some have enhancements like ribbing, pearls, or other texturing. Many are molded after a porn star (UR3 or CyberSkin). Some vibrate. What a dildo is for women, the stroker is for men. Simulates the real thing. Often adds some technology. It can be shaped like a vagina, mouth, or anus -even shaped like a woman so it looks likes Barbie is riding a schlong. How could this pretend orifice work for a couple?

For starters, you can bring the handjob back into play. I know for me, handjobs haven’t really won me any points since prom. They’re fine and all, but most men want a warm, moist place to go now that they’ve past puberty. The stroker adds the warm, moist sensation (with friction and a dollop of lube) so you can now get nostalgic about your teen years in the back seats of cars. In fact, this might be fun to take into the back seat of the car while parked at a drive-in or secluded parking lot. For oral sex, this means when the woman is getting tired, a lubricated stroker can take over for a few minutes without losing much sensation. Use the stroker to take a few minutes, rest up, and come back to the task at hand -so to speak. Finally, if you really want to go crazy with a stroker, you can put it anywhere on her body. Try positions that one of you may have been too tall for in the past by creating a unique vaginal geography. If the stroker is between her knees, he may be able to lick her breasts with ease. It may seem like a weird game of tinkertoys at first, but you can really find some new ways to play with the help of strokers.

Vaginas: Vaginas are large strokers. They are the vagina, crotch and a small section of thigh. Doggy-Style vaginas are all ass and vagina. Much like the strokers, they can be enhanced with vibration and texturing. Vaginas are amazing for one thing. Three-way sex. A menage-a-trois -while exciting- can be an emotional landmine. Use a realistic vagina to role play the different activities you would do if another woman were in the room. Afterward, you can leave it at the fantasy level or discuss points you felt uncomfortable, even if it was just a fake body part. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn about your own sexual boundaries with a little game of pretend. You will also be surprised how sexy it can be seeing your girlfriend show you what she would do with a woman. Take notes. She may also using the demonstration to tell you what to do with her. Also, if the vagina is angled just right, this can be a creative sex pillow. Have her hips on "her" hips and use it just like a wedge.

Sex Dolls: Sex dolls aren’t just for gag gifts. I’m not sure if a $20 sex doll bought in a cardboard box has done anything for anyone. However, the higher ticket dolls can be quite the find. Again, this is best for 3-way role playing. Get creative. Watch your girl with the doll and let yourself be watched. Or try some three way positions before (or instead of) the real thing.

Tongue Vibes: Not the vibrating tongue! (Which is amazing, but that’s another post). There are a dozen tongue vibes on the market that make your tongue vibrate when you perform oral sex. I think that explains it all, so I’ll stop right there.

Anal Beads: Oral sex can get a lot better with some anal beads. Insert the beads slowly during sex play (lubricate, lubricate, lubricate). During oral sex, allow a little tug for some sensation. Then pull the beads out during orgasm. Slowly. This will intensify and prolong the orgasm. The perfect timing takes some practice. Try it a few times and learn the rhythm and pace of your lover’s orgasm.

So there we go. There ARE toys for the boys. So ladies. let's add some of these items to our toy box. It's time we shared. It seems only right to give back to the men who try so hard to please us by Borg-ing* out every once in a while.

It is now 7:15pm and I am preparing for Earth Hour. If you haven't heard, people around the country are turning off their lights for an hour, you know, for the environment. I think most of the country has already done it. I'm on the west coast and we're always the last to do stuff....so I guess Arizona or someone is currently sitting in the dark. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to research for my blog.

I got some vibes, some dongs, a few body massagers, a g-spot vibe, various lubes, and a flashlight. And a six pack of beer. I usually research with the lights on, but I think this will be a great way to really understand how these products work in their natural habitat. I even got some glow in the dark vibes to really get in the spirit of things.

Here's what I'm hoping to find out. 1. Will I know the difference between one item or another in the dark? 2. Will material matter when I don't have to see it? 3. Will design really affect anything at all? 4. Which controller will be easiest to use in the dark? 5. Within ten minutes, will I lose heart and take a nap?

I gotta get to the store and get batteries. I'll report back at 9pm PST.  

I am a sucker for anything that makes me look like a mermaid. So when I first saw Kama Sutra's Treasures of the Sea over a decade ago, I bought three. If I remember correctly, back in the day, it was sold in a tin with a seashell scoop and it smelled so great, you could leave a pile of the blue crystals in the bathroom as an air freshener. But the best part was that it made bathwater turn sea blue. I got it at a home party and the internet wasn't quite what it is today, so once I ran out, I was at a loss how to buy more. Kama Sutra's line was a rare shelf topper and to be honest, I have no recollection on where it was found.

Fast forward to now. Along with continuing to be a hit at home parties, Kama Sutra is the belle of the adult novelty world and seen as one of the first manufacturers of quality intimacy cosmetics. You can not only buy the brand on-line from thousands of retailers, you can even see limited stock at the chain drugstores. I had waited long enough. Why had I let so much time pass since I last soaked in the deep blue water? What was holding me back? Was I afraid that this bath tonic had changed? Had cheapened? Yes. I was terrified I'd buy the stuff I loved long ago and it'd be a cheap Chinese knock-off of its former self. But Kama's reputation has been solid. I've never heard a complaint.

So last Tuesday, I was reunited with the bath crystals! Much like a reunion with an old college flame, the body was different but the inside -what counts most- is fairly the same. The plastic jar is elegant and likely has more staying power in a wet bathroom than tin. But watch out when you open it. Kama Sutra tends to fill to the top, so blue dust may fly all over as you twist the lid. The seashell scoop (a wonderful touch) was even the same. It is not a sad plastic scoop that is shaped like a shell. It feels like a perfect beach-dwelling shell, fragile and whole.

I don't recall Treasures of the Sea being a bubble bath in the day. Now, I could be wrong on this because it's possible the same thing that happened this time, happened when I was younger. There are bubbles, so it's technically a bubble bath, but the bubbles are not that strong. So the bubbles fade relatively quickly. However, the best part -the blue- lasts for hours, maybe even forever, because it outlasts me. It smells like a tropical fantasy. It's what you wish the beach did smell like. And the best part, it's mildly moisturizing, so your skin feels softer when you get out.

Okay, so it's great. It's a girl's best friend. But you may be asking how is this mere bath salt a "sex toy"? Well, I'm as confused by bath and body products nudging their way into the adult novelty world as most other people, but I will tell you with complete certainty that this is a sex toy. If you fill a large tub to the brim (sorry, water conservationists!), and pour a few scoops of Treasures of the Sea into it, light a few candles, and soak in the hot, scented bubbles, you will have the most amazing seduction scene ever. The blue water is very much like flattering clothes, it accentuates whatever curves are emerging from it. Not to call any of ust fat, but have you ever seen a manatee -the oafish sea creatures theorized to have been what sailors thought were mermaids? They are fat, hairy, ugly, gray beasts. If the ocean's blue can make a manatee look like a siren of the sea with perky breasts, shiny-scaled fins, and flowing hair that moves like the ocean's waves, then this stuff can make our mild body flaws look like Angelina Jolie curves. It's liquid lingerie!

So if you're looking for a bubble bath, you may want to look elsewhere. If you are looking for a sensual body treat that looks, smells, and feels like a tropical getaway, than Treasures of the Sea will be a satisfying bathtime accessory.

***You know the drill, Honeymoon Sex Toys help us hang out with you!***

I don't usually do film reviews for anyone, so why am I doing a film review for my sex toy blog? Because it's appropriate. I swear.

I was just turned on to a short film. It is porn. Short porn. Not short person porn. Short as in it's about five minutes, but hey, who ever needs more, right? I am not a porn fan. I’ve watched porn. I’ve had sex to porn. But I’ve never caught the fever of the whole thing. It’s cool and all, but really, I can’t focus on sex when the tv is on, so I’ve left the DVD sex to the film buffs. But this. This is something else. It’s clever. It’s sexy. It’s fantasy and reality. A gorgeous woman with numerous succulent co-stars. There is the soft core fondling and hard core fetishes and all acts in between. And I have to admit, even the acts I have no interest in, are –in this film- addictive to watch and arousing. I bet the filmmakers would put some “it’s not porn, it’s art” spin on it, but I know porn when I see it. And this is porn. Really good porn. Especially if you like to eat.

Check it out. And be prepared to get hungry. Filthy Food.

PS I do not know the filmmakers. I got a link in an email from a friend who simply wrote in the body of the email: “I want a hot dog.” However, all it took was this email to make me a fan for life.

***Check out toys to watch porn with at www.honeymoonsextoys.com , or get a cucumber, banana, sausage link, carrot, avocado half, peach...***

Sex toys are accepted as masturbatory aids, but even though sex toys are often made for two, there are many couples not up for the challenge of battling insecurities, exploring the unknown, or possible emergency room visits with awkward explanations. If you're one of those toy shoppers who find it great for yourself, but as soon as the SO comes over, you hide away the toys like one would lock up their unruly dog when guests visit, you may be missing out on some climactic good times with your partner. You may have just gotten home from a second date or you've been together for ten years and have "done everything there is to do." Wherever you are in the relationship, this is a great time to think about "the talk" -the talk being which battery operated piece of fun to try first.

First and foremost, your first toy should not be a large, realistic dildo. For that matter, a realistic vagina may not be a good idea either. I call these "replacements". Replacements, when introduced to a lover seem like, well, replacements. They can bring up insecurities and doubts that you rather not have in the bedroom. These toys are not for all couples and definitely not for starters. Advanced couples, however, can find some real creative new positions with the realistic toys. It's like a threesome without the added personality. So while a CyberSkin Cock molded from a humongous porn star like Lex Steele or a UR3 Jenna-gina can be a wild and creatively challenging piece for twosomes, this is definitely a long term goal for most couples. (I do want to say though, I know a couple who have a very loving and genuine relationship with a high-end sex doll. Never say never, friends.)With that caveat, here are some good starter toys:

Clit Stimulators. Most men know an orgasm is often most easy to achieve with clitoral stimulation and if one is to look closely at the anatomy of men and women, one will quickly see the cruel joke of God or evolution or whatever. Penis and clit never meet during intercourse. Oh! The tragedy! Thanks to the world of sex toys, one can bang on that AND stimulate the other at the same time. Take that cruel fate of biology! I'm a fan of the O Honey from Screaming O. The first time I saw it, I literally squeaked. You can use it in the missionary position without having it in the way. Pocket rockets and the finger vibrators (best manufactured by Fukuoku) are also great little complements to the traditional penetrating manhood. Also, you can get some cockrings that stimulate the clitoris through vibration or friction.

Fetish. Want some fun, but you're all tied up? Don't worry! You can do both! This is a great intro into the world of toys since you don't need a sex toy to introduce the fun of mild bondage. Start out with a tie or belt in an impromptu domination. Then move up to the fur-lined cuffs and pleather blindfolds. A cute little whip or paddle can add some spice as well. Also, once you have the knots tight, you can introduce any sex toy you like. This way you can show your partner that the new facet of your sex life is for their satisfaction as much as yours. If you give your partner an orgasm with a sex toy, they are very likely going to go for seconds and return the favor as well.

Remotes. Get really daring and insert a remote egg or slide into some vibrating panties and paint the town passion red. Give your lover the controls and find out how stimulating dinner can be. However, test drive your remotes in the bedroom first. It’s best to feel that initial jolt and hear the sound level in a controlled environment. That little yelp you will emit and the ensuing cell phone buzz may get embarrassing while walking through a crowded restaurant.No matter what you try and how you try it, check in regularly and communicate. Make sure you both are comfortable. And most important of all -enjoy!

***This lesson in lust is brought to you by Honeymoon Sex Toys***

So I got my first item for review! The Hustler My First Clit Kiss. It is a purple clit stimulator shaped like lips and it comes with a small vibe you can attach to it.  The packaging makes me want to buy this for all my friends, much like I want to buy car insurance because of that sexy cartoon chick with the pink hair. Instead of a naked woman spread-eagle and licking her chops (typical sex toy fare), I see a sketch is of a hip young woman with pigtails much like my own. That’s a purple, comic-book style rendition of me! Well, this is a good sign. If cartoon-me is on the box being the spokesmodel for My First Clit Kiss, I’m bound to love it, too, right?

I open the box and roll my eyes at the “5X” chart tattooed to my anime shoulder. I hate multi-function vibrators. It’s always when someone is knocking on my door that I find myself scrambling to find the function that means “off.” I’ve actually answered the phone once (thinking it was my boyfriend and a welcome addition to some alone time) and had to explain to my own mother that the buzzing sound was the blender and I was hitting the wrong buttons to turn it off. “Buzzzzz….buzzbuzz…buzz..(long pause. Is it off?)…buzzbuzz.”

But I digress. This little bullet wasn’t half bad with the functions. I found off okay. You can adjust the speed with a separate dial on the side. And it was the level of vibration you expect from three cell batteries. You won’t get C-battery fun with these, but it’s a clit kisser. C-size would be a bit of overkill. Also, it’s pretty much as whisper-quiet as it claims. It certainly doesn’t wake the neighbors; however the sound does travel to the other end of the room. Don’t try it when you’re sharing a dorm room or something.

So far so good. I insert the vibe into the purple lips and go for a test drive.  Those jel-lee lips are pretty darned good. They don’t beat the real thing because jel-lee may be malleable, but they are not soft like a real mouth.  There is no real suction, but I bet that depends on your body shape. If there was some more suction in it, I’d give it a five out of five. But alas, these lips don't fit every girl. What makes it great though is the vibration travels so well through the jel-lee that it feels stronger. And it surrounds the clit so the vibrations really do the job.

Overall, it was worth the price of admission. I’m a fan. Thanks Hustler!

Four Out of Five Stars. ****

***Get the Clit Kiss at Honeymoon Sex Toys***

Oral sex is good. I would write something clever about how good it is. But really. It's good. 'Nuff said. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. I know it can get boring if done incorrectly, but a dedicated cunnilinguist or fellator will always get a smile from their partner. "A" for effort! But let's say you're going down and really wanting extra credit. Well, then you need skills. So here's some tips. Today, we'll talk for the men. If you want to make your man happy (or you're a man wanting to throw some suggestions into the mix), then let's get started.  

First and foremost, get some schoolin’. There are a lot of books and DVD’s about how to perform oral sex. Buy them. They are educational even with the most advanced oral performer. Also, always listen to your partner. Even if he's not the best communicator, all you really need is one word (harder, softer, faster, ouch) to understand your next move. Is two syllables too much for your Casanova? Then listen for heavy breathing and moans. Dead silence usually means "change it up." Uncontrollable sighs of ecstasy means continue as you are. For some reason, there are people who hear moans of satisfaction and move on to a different tactic. I believe this mainly happens with people who perform tests or spend their day learning that “yes” means “you can stop now.” Unlearn that! “Yes” means “don’t stop” in sex. So listen for pleasure sounds and do whatever it takes to keep it going.   

Now, pick a position. Once you pick it, stay there unless the position is making your lover pick up a magazine to pass the time. Pick a position that is comfortable to you and has an angle that best fits you. Kneeling in front of him while he lies, sits, or stands are traditionally hot positions. However, for those with endowed lovers, this angle will curve the penis up against the top of your throat and block some of you from being able to take in as much as you want.  

If you want to deep-throat or at least take more of him into your mouth, try poses that cause a natural incline down the throat like 69, sitting beside him while he lies down, or “upside down.” Going “upside down” is a trick I first heard about at Erotica LA, a great hipster porn trade show in SoCal. This is how it works: Lie on a bed (the higher the better) on your back, with your head hanging off the edge. He will stand facing you. This gives you a great angle to work with and gives him the best view of your body. This is a great position to play with toys or pleasure yourself for his viewing (and your pleasure).  Also, for deep-throating, there are deep throat gels and mints that have a very mild numbing effect (usually with benzocaine or a similar ingredient). This will dull the gag reflex. 

Speaking of toys, there are some great toys out there for oral sex. There are attachments that make your tongue vibrate and you can use mini-vibrators, anal plugs, or beads while performing to really enhance the mood. For anything inserted in the anus, pull it out gently during orgasm to make the orgasm longer and stronger.

You can always start with a little helper, like chocolate paints or whipped creams. Make a little candy trail on your lover and enjoy the journey, savoring every lick from point A to point B. Also, use flavored lubricants to help with tastes, and try warming and tingling lubricants to add some oomph to the event. Lubrication is important, so use a lot of saliva or keep a bottle of flavored lubricant on hand. If you use artificially designed lubricant however, practice your timing and speed, because pausing at any time can lose the momentum and put you right back to square one. 

Techniques vary for every person. I was once told creating light suction with the tongue against the frenulum would send your man into uncontrollable fits of rapture. When I experimented that night, he was bored to tears and I kept making embarrassing clicking sounds when I did it. But this may workyou’re your man. You won’t know until you try, so try everything! Explore his body and find his sensitive spots with your lips, tongue and fingers. The testicals, perineum, prostate and frenulum are known to be the more erogenous zones, but also don’t forget the inner thighs, nipples, and every other part of his body.  

Remember, the most important part of oral sex is that you enjoy it, too. The amount of passion you put into it adds to the amount of pleasure he gets, so do what you are comfortable and aroused by doing. Explore and have fun.   

***This little tidbit of sexual wisdom was brought to you by honeymoon sex toys***

Sugar is sugar. I think we all know what that is. Glycerin is a sugary liquid. This is a description I’m sure my chemist friend would prefer I expound on. So for him, I will also add that glycerin is a sugar alcohol with very low toxicity. It is used in numerous cosmetics, pharmaceutical, and personal care items. It is in lubricants because it doesn’t dry as fast as water and it is very effective in adding that slickness we all want. So glycerin-based lubricants and lubricants with glycerin last longer than their water-based, glycerin-free kin. Glycerin is not dangerous. Okay, I think my chemist friend would be happy. I know I am.

But on the other side of the lube tube is this: Yeast finds sugar yummy just like we do. So if you have a sensitive coochie, look for the “glycerin-free” and “sugar-free” copy on the bottle. My vote goes to the Kama Sutra Love Liquid, O’My Lubricants, and System Jo brands. Kama Sutra has been around since the 60’s helping the Summer of Love last all the way to new millenium. And while the other two companies are younger, they bring with them some heavy hitting FDA standards.

***This blog is sponsored by Honeymoon Sex Toys . They have a great selection of lubricants for every sexual explorer!**

Phthalates are plasticizers that make your toy malleable. They have been found in sex toys, children’s toys, and cosmetics. Some phthalates are bad for you. Some are not. The ones that may be bad are said to have hormone disruptors and cause kidney and liver damage. That’s just not sexy.

There is a lot of misinformation out there, so take the hype (good and bad) with a grain of salt. Is there proof that phthalates are bad for you? Not really. And of the phthalates that may be bad, there are just as many that have no danger whatsoever. So if you have a jelly piece and it has been your trusted friend for years, do not be hasty in throwing it out. Decide for yourself what risks you want to take. And if you’re wondering which of your old toys have phthalates, a general rule of thumb is that hard means phthalate-free. Hard plastic, metal, and glass are most often phthalate-free. Of the realistic feeling materials, CyberSkin® was the only material to pass the test. Greenpeace said so. The rest were proven to have phthalates.

As far as new items, why take risks? Phthalate-free is certainly not bad. Look for the claim on the package. And if you want to really be sure you’ve got a healthy piece of poontang playtoy, stick with the silicone and glass. Non-porous, hygienic, phthalate-free.

While I may sound cavalier about the phthalates, I have to admit, I let myself err on caution and let go of a few old friends in my toy chest. It was a great excuse to go shopping for some new friends and I got three new silicone toys and a glass wand! Now THAT’S sexy.

If you want to do some internet research on the buzzword of the day, look for phthalates and sex toys in your favorite search engine. And check out: The GreenPeace Article and What the Other Side Says while you're at it.

There is a lot of information out there about personal lubricants. And there are a lot of lubricants. Finding the lubricant that is best for you can take your whole life to find. Thank god the research is fun. I personally have five bottles of lubricant because I believe I have five kinds of sex. So I’m going to go through my slick sex arsenal and show you my way of thinking.

1.       The Daily Grind. For my day to day sexual activities, I have a nice, hoohah friendly, water-based lubricant.  I hear the Hustler Sensitive Formula is discontinued, so I’ve stocked up.[1] However, when it’s finally gone, I am seriously sticking to the glycerin-free for all my lubrication. There is no real proof that glycerin causes yeast infections, but why risk it?

2.       The BJ Lube. I love flavored lubricants. They are great for oral sex and they work great for regular sex. And with many of the flavored lubricants, the taste lingers after sex (and wash out during the post-sex shower). Post-sex oral sex happen. And when they do, that lingering cherry flavor can really add to the experience. Although TLC just came out with a lubricant that tastes like a can of Mountain Dew (it’s called Fizz and it’s mighty tasty), I’m loyal to my Wet sample packets. They are easy to use and taste fruity.  I suggest avoiding flavored lubes with sugar as it does do a number on the private area pH.

3.       The Special Occasion. Silicone lube is expensive and doesn’t wash off as easily as the water-based lubes. However, on special occasions, it’s the only way to go. I keep a bottle of ID Millenium by my jacuzzi tub because silicone lubricant is best for underwater fun. It also comes out for those weekends in bed with a man (or woman with a lot of harness toys). When I ran a marathon, I had a fanny pak of water, protein, and first aid. The same preparation should apply to marathon sex. Hydration, lubrication, bruise balm! Silicone is the slickest and longest lasting by nature of not being water-soluble. [2]

4.       The eco-date.  Sometimes I use lubricant to impress my partner. I know it is so shallow and breaks all dating etiquette codes. But when I’m dating someone with a veggie car (and it happens a lot in California), I like to show off my world-saving skills, too. Sylk is the most “chemical-free” lubricant I’ve seen on the market –no parabens, no petro-chemicals, uses grapefruit seed extract and kiwivine. Now, I am a green person. I hug a tree on numerous occasions. I find treehuggers terribly sexy. For them, I have the green-lube. If you’re not willing to order from Australia, I suggest O’My Natural lubricant. Very nice stuff.

5.       Up the Butt.  Never ever, ever be caught without lubricant when doing anal. Just don’t do it. Please. Never. And there are lubricants just for the butt. So you have no excuse.  Astroglide makes shooters. Now, how is that for genius product development? They are these little pre-filled tubes you just, well, shoot. Easy! Anal lubricants can come with desensitizers, too, so if you’re looking for an easier entry, shop around for mild desensitizers in your anal lubricant.